FOX News: The Most Powerful Smell in News.

All images, music, ideas, and nonsense herein © 2001 - 2006
Original Faux News Logo © 2001 (read it and weep)
'Spinner' Logo © 2003; 'Swastika' Logo © 2005

This hilarious, satire-rich web site chock full of full political mockery is in no way associated with the Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Brit Hume, Tony Snow, Oliver North, Geraldo Rivera, John Gibson, FOX & Friends, Greta von Susteren, or any other part of the idiotic Fox News Channel. All material herein is intended as parody. Similarities in format or "personnel" are satirical. If you're looking for good a case of bitch-slap-itis, sue away, you neoconservative wing nut. I could use the material.

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Just Who is this Tony Blows?
I Pat My Own Back With no Sense of Shame

If he were a liberal, they'd call him a "flip-flopper." Since he's not
a liberal, he gets to be called "principled."

A couple years ago I pieced together some satirical bio pages
(you can access them all from here), including a Limbaugh bio
(which receives more hits than fauxnewschannel.com), and
they've paid off enormously. Not monetarily, of course (making
money from one's art is bad for the art, creates sellouts, and
therefore only succeeds for the artless, conservative approach),
but in terms of pissing off neocons, those bio pages have done
wonders.

I constantly get emails from people shouting "Get a life!" at me,
or, "What a waste of time!" and, "You must really obsess on
(whoever)!" No doubt the accumulated responses to these
phony bios represent fifty times the effort and hours the original bio pages themselves took me to create in the first place. Shit, I haven't touched any of my Faux bio pages in two years, and most of them were thrown together hastily anyway (this one, for instance, probably took me ten minutes... tops. And nine of those were doing clown image).

But one that took me some time was Tony Snow's bio. I had
read and seen this guy in action, and I knew he was a great
big double-talker, but I needed to somehow (1) prove it, and
(2) make it funny.

The first thing I found was Moronic Meddling - an article
wherein Snow condemned Bill Clinton for invading a country
posing no real threat to us (sound familiar?). Snow wrote
the Moronic article in 1999; I resurrected it for political
satire in 2003 (from WayBack Machine).

Rather than find anything specifically damning about Clinton's
policy in Bosnia (hard to do, I guess), Snow contrived a
"logical" sequence of platitudes and ideological generalities
to arrive at his conclusion. But, as any political pundit should
know, this type of "rationale" is precarious; it can be turned
against you in a heart beat.

Which I did, by converting the thing into a MadLib. Change
the names of the nation we invaded, the leader of that nation, the POTUS, and a few other items, et voilà! -- Snow's a big, fat hypocrite with his toes lodged safely behind his ironically named wisdom teeth.

I'd done some other research, found more instances of Snow's hypocrisy, and created a few other Tony Blows' MadLibs! But most of them have disappeared (I didn't get serious about archiving my stuff until late 2004).

The only other Tony Blows! gem I created was a Faux editorial, in which Tony desperately attempts to characterize his past condemnation of Medicare reform as proof George Bush was doing the right with his 2003 Medicare reform.

Since, obviously, I'm in the patting-my-own-back mood here, I can't close this bit of rambling without bringing up two more facts: first - my faux Tony Snow bio is the second result returned from Google for the search "Tony Snow biography"; third for "Tony Snow bio." Not bad for something I haven't touched in two years. Second - in my eternally adolescent mind, during the creation phase of Snow's faux bio, I came up with the moniker "Tony Blows," and through pure luck it turns out he actually does blow. Literally, through his flute, and figuratively... also through his flute (no talent here, folks, move along).

Now the fun begins: we can watch him blow in a third way.

Excellence in Backsliding
Hey, with this creampuff, that's a double entendre!

First of all, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This is better than that Rolling Stone magazine cover.

Okay, now that I got that out of the way, let me address the
right wing spin on this thing. Neocon-anderthals are trumpeting
this as a "victory." Limbaugh made a plea deal which ensures
he's not going to jail. As if this asshole really faced the
possibility of doing time.

If O.J. Simpson, Robert Blake, and whoever else with money
can find a good lawyer to get them off, what in the hell makes
anyone think Limbaugh was facing jail time anyway? For drugs? On his first offense? Come on.

Certainly, this was a great personal relief for the pigboy. Keep in mind, Limbaugh is a right-winger; he's pre-wired for paranoia (which, when combined with celebrity, translates into delusions of grandeur). And technically it could have been a lot worse for him. There's little doubt Limbaugh was losing sleep over the prospect of some giant, liberal legal establishment chewing him up and spitting him out.

But Limbaugh is a political figure. He may call himself a "truth detector," an "entertainer," or something even more delusional, but EVERYTHING that centers around this guy is political. Thus, this story is political. Thus, the political point here goes to Limbaugh's detractors.

The moment Limbaugh was arrested, his opponents scored a point. If the Democrats had any pundit half as tenacious as Sean Hannity, he or she could - from this point forward - filibuster any debate on the matter by simply shouting, "isn't it a fact Rush Limbaugh was charged, arrested, and made a plea bargain for his illegal use of drugs?" The very moment a mugshot was created of this pansy, a visual tool proving Limbaugh's hypocrisy came to exist for anyone willing to wield it.

Hey... I just had a thought . . . I wonder if Rump Leakage will regress to his open homosexuality, as noted by Elliot Sanders. Being a "catcher" would sure help him in prison.

Anyway, don't buy the right-wing BS that Limbaugh "got the
best deal possible." Innocent men don't plea out, and there
was no way Pigboy was going to prison, anyway. Period.

When delusional people are forced to face the reality of their
neuroses, they lose their raison d'être, at least momentarily.
Their balloon is burst, and if you take a good look at Limbaugh's
mugshot, you can see he's not pleased, at all.

Study the expression. This guy is SO not happy.

Embarrassed? Oh, yeah.
Humiliated? Maybe.
About to get high for 72 hours straight? You bet.

Bwahahahahahahaha!!! What a charlatan!