"Let's not jump to conclusions."Tennessee's senior senator, Bill Frist, is an exceptional medical doctor, a world-class chess champion, and an eight time Nobel Peace Prize nominee. And he's not quite ready to blindly accept what the mainstream media is force-feeding America today.
"Never you mind what the 'medical community' says; we're not buying it." Poised to flex his medical muscle in defiance of the onslaught of obviously biased media reports, Frist has submitted a bill to force medicinal leeching of Terri’s body.
As of 4 a.m. this morning half a dozen deities, including Mohammed, Ganesha, Zeus, and even Jesus of Nazareth, had declared Terri's Law unconstitutional. But Bob and Mary Schindler remain undaunted.
"We're simply not ready to give up yet," said a spokesman for the family.
FOX News has concluded an independent study into various news organizations' reporting of the tragic Terri Schiavo story, and the results couldn't be clearer.
In addition to highlighting the evil rampant in today's media market, the study made some startling revelations about FOX News vis-à-vis its competition. "Obviously we're the only news provider who really cares about life," explains FOX News Channel's senior correspondent Brit Hume, "and this independent, non-biased, intelligent, unbiased, absolutely perfect, Fair and Balanced® study proves that."
Some have said the report contains even more scathing indictments of non-FOX news networks, such as CBS, NBC, ABC, PBS, the BBC, Reuters, and C-SPAN. "You should see what a 1935 transcript of FDR's says about the whole thing," said an utterly duplicitous Hume.
For more information on FOX News' amazingly unique position among mainstream news corporations, click here.
It was their proudest moment.
Two local neocon teens, who were actually encouraged to masquerade as Secret Servicemen evaded security checks at George Bush’s Denver Town Hall Meeting last week, may have actually saved the president’s life.
Ever vigilant, the two unnamed young men stopped what most likely would have been a horrible experience: they rightfully removed some dangerous folks from President Bush’s Denver townhall meeting.
Read more.
Immediately after nominating Pat Robertson for a Nobel Prize in Quantum Physics, FOX News intern Paul Gutierrez cast some personal doubt upon incoming reports that UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan has been found to be guiltless in the Oil-for-Food scandal.
"I personally doubt the report was so independent," says Gutierrez. "I mean, while it is true an independent query found Kofi Annan free of any wrongdoing in the Oil-for-Food scandal," he continued, "it’s a crucial fact that some -- like me -- have questioned the reliability of the investigation. You can’t deny that." FOX News is the only major US network reporting this story.
Culpability, explains Gutierrez, is a relative concept. "Put it this way -- was (Annan) as guilty as Hitler in World War II? Probably not. But, was he just as closely tied to the scandal as Halliburton (somebody) was? You bet!"
Gutierrez has recently left FOX News for other endeavors.
