am above the law," he stated.
to date more than 1,500 dead American troops.
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March 22, 2005
THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY
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This hilarious, satire-rich political mockery site is in no way associated with the 20th Century Fox Film Corporation, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Brit Hume, Tony Snow, Geraldo Rivera, John Gibson, FOX & Friends, Greta von Susteren, or any other part of the idiotic Fox News Channel. All material herein is intended as parody. Any similarities in format or "personnel" are purely satirical. If you're looking for a good case of the Big Hammer, then sue away.  I could use the material, you conservative wing nut.
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Fourth and Long; Still not Punting
Bush explains how signing a law allowing doctors to euthanize a 6-month old baby is consistent with his views.

Those pesky reporters have done it again. Recklessly digging up historical facts, the liberal media has discovered that, as governor of Texas, George Bush signed into law a bill making it legal for doctors to "pull the plug" on individuals like Terri Schiavo, even if it's against family wishes. This legalized euthanasia, say many, is a direct contradiction of the stance Bush has decided to take in the case of ... uh, Terri Schiavo. Bush's supposed "hypocrisy" has an especially poignant effect on a Houston family whose 6-month old baby was just allowed to die, despite their objections, under his 1999 law.Jimmy Dale Guckert, a.k.a. ''Deeper Throat.''

But the issue is just not that simple. As president Bush explained to Jimmy Dale Guckert, affectionately known in Washington circles as "Deeper Throat," the distinction between Bush's so-called "conflicting" actions is not so simple.

"Believe me," the president assured Guckert, "everyone involved in this case wants good stuff to happen. We're good people and we don't want bad things to take place. Heh heh. I think everyone agrees on that. And, uh, just like the Schiavo family's dilemma, the Texas thing was a complicated issue. By that, I mean it's not simple. Heh heh. When things aren't simple,"  continued the president, "they're what you call complicated, heh, and uh, that's why this is not a simple issue. At all."

Guckert thanked the president for his remarkable clarity and moral courage.

Terri will walk with Jesus when He's good and ready.
This baby's death was a "complicated issue."
"Deeper Throat"
Activist Judges Should Stick to Draping  Statues' Breasts, Fraternizing with the VP, and Facilitating Rigged Elections
Brit Hubris Gunray began his career in journalism as a newspaper in 1974, in Gaithersburg, Maryland. Since that time Gunray has covered expensive table tops, penthouse window panes, and a number of other important objects throughout his career.
Florida Residents Quietly Await All-Important Schiavo Verdict
Homicide Shooter Massacres Ten in Minnesota
Robert Blake ready to start new job at FOX News
Republicans eagerly plan to grandstand on several more non-issues, "to keep
Americans' minds on anything but gun violence."
Looking forward to working with role models Oliver North and Mark  Fuhrman.
FOX BRIEFS
EPA to Alter Name
After slight modification will be known as "Environmental Procurement Agency."
White house says misnomer "not a crisis," but if name isn't changed by 2018 the EPA's headquarters will crumble.
It's a foregone conclusion anyone who gets to be a judge in this country
has been to college.  Therefore, you'd think, the justice department would know
a thing or two about what our country stands for.  Well, it seems like some do.  Some.

I'm not too sure about the Democrats in the judicial branch of government, but I do know Republican judges both embody and endorse everything this country was founded on.  We should all take a closer look at what that means.

For instance, Republicans believe the government should prudently spend its citizens' taxes.  By our way of thinking, everyone should get a fair shake. No one -- not even the largest corporations -- should be immune from a fair-handed tax code.  Republicans think the government should respect an individual's rights to privacy.  We hold that even the most intimate of bedroom details between consenting adults should be kept just that: intimate.  Republicans have a libertarian streak; we don't like big government handouts, or federally-mandated education standards.

Furthermore, the GOP believes there is nothing more sacred than the bond between a man and his wife.  The nuclear family is the backbone of a strong, Christian society.  Fathers, mothers, and children -- to a Republican's way of thinking -- should do absolutely everything in their power to remain intact, never allowing outside forces or ideals to wedge their divisive way in.

I feel very strongly about these things.  Indeed, if it weren't for the events of 9/11; scientific ignorance; homophobia rooted in an unsure sense of self-loathing; wildly contagious
greed; a millennium-induced outbreak of religious insanity, and Eli
án Gonzalez, we
Republicans would be adhering to most of these very principles today!
Ted and Dale Smithson of Fort Lauderdale were hit pretty hard last year by hurricane Frances.  Now they're waiting for someone to pull a 3,500 pound live oak tree from their roof.  They've been waiting for six months.

"We got the money," explained Mrs. Smithson, "but we're supposed to have a state safety official here to do it."

Like many others, the Smithsons are looking at four to six more months.  Citing "unexpected priorities in Tallahassee," state officials say their work force is overloaded.  "However," says one state official, "we'll be back to normal once Terri is back on the volleyball court."
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