Junior Soprano No Longer Getting Away With Murder
Eighty-year-old conservative might actually have to suffer a couple years for killing three liberals 40 years ago.
"I did it for Angie Dickinson!" - Soprano
PHILADELPHIA, MS - In a world unfortunately dominated by liberal forces, one ultimately has to accept the fact that things actually change over time.
Consider one Edgar Ray Killen. In 1964 this bright young man was guilty of nothing more drastic than simply conforming to the ways of his conservative Mississippian peers. Now, thanks to those inevitable changes brought about by the scourge of liberalism, Killen is going to prison. That's right - prison.
"First they took my pure water fountains. Then all my Dixiecrats became Republicans. And finally, my fellow Aryans started lovin' them (oderifous African Americans)... like they was real people or somethin'," lamented the lugubrious lout. "It broke my heart."
Grunt Exposes Dick's Pooh Pooh
General John Abizaid
Traitorous General disputes Cheney's nonchalance.
The months-old argument that the Iraq insurgency is in its last throes is itself in its last throes.
So says the top American general in the entire Mid-East region wild-eyed liberal looney General John Abizaid.
But British sources have learned many believe either General Abizaid's message is a deliberately misstated estimation of events in Iraq - a psychological operations ploy - or that his opinion has simply been misconstrued by a wantonly anti-good stuff media. The general, however, disagrees. "I'm fairly sure I understood myself the first time around," he roared.
"When I said there are more fighters coming into Iraq now than six months ago, I wasn't exactly agreeing with Dick Cheney," he crypically told FOX News' own "Stammerin" Carl Cameron.
Wine Coolers and Karl Rove Don't Mix
If this is Bush's brain, the GOP might be in trouble.
Frequently seen with powder on his uppermost chin.
by "Twitchy" Michelle Malkin
NEW YORK CITY - Seemingly determined to negate rumors he's actually intelligent, White House chief political correspondent and crossword puzzle guru Karl Rove inadvertently mocked his "intelligence" Wednesday night by stereotyping people too astute to so quickly stereotype.
"Twitchy" Michelle Malkin
Rove conveyed to an audience of GOP supporters liberalism is dying in America because the left isn't prone to lump all Muslims into the same category as 19 deranged Arabian and Syrian hijackers. "I actually managed to say most of that stuff with a straight face," he joked. "If the press didn't spin it as a brilliant, calculated maneuver, I'd probably regret saying it," chuckled the chubby cream puff.
Rove says the doubling of his usual two wine coolers to four had him giddy, and spouting stuff he usually saves for Deep South GOP talking points. "I just rolled with it," declared the dainty drama queen.
Social Se-Scarity Lite a Dud
Republicans baffled Americans don't want to privatize social programs
The political party famous for monopolizing 
compromise, forcefeeding diplomacy, seeking to correct political correctness, and pounding peace into unsolicited war zones is puzzled the majority of Americans still don't feel privatizing a social program is a good idea.
"Normally, when we fear something," confided Newt Gingrich, "and we just can't get rid of through 'normal' means, we propose modifying it with an antithetical descriptor. 'Privatized social security,' for example," he explained. "When you think about it, that's an oxymoron."
But not to worry, says Gingrich. "Most of our constituency doesn't do a lot of thinking."
Some of my favorite humorists: (because I'm blocking tonight)
Most Americans Want to See Constitution Replaced by Ten Commandments From the Swift Report
. . . American voters are widely expected to reject the US Constitution when they go to the polls later this summer. While the Constitution was once held in great acclaim by voters, its popularity has slid in recent years . . . Read the article here.
Northern Liberal to Walk for President From Faux-News.com
Senator Jefferson Smith (D-Minn.) has announced plans to walk for president in 2008.
Demonization of Smith is scheduled to begin this Thursday. . . Read the article here.
Exclusive excerpt from the new novel "The Truth About Hillary" by Edward "Kookie" Klein From The Bean
. . . another lesbian was urinating on a crucifix just for fun while sending money to the Saddam Hussein Legal Defense Fund."D-d-did you kill all those people in Arkansas?" I asked, my knees trembling in a manly fashion. . . Read the article here.