News that the 'Rapture' Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians What if the 'Rapture' happened but you were left behind? That's what millions of Christians are wondering amid mounting evidence that the Rapture, the much-anticipated event in which God summons his faithful to the heavens, may have happened earlier this month.
Missouri senator Kit Bond also says Bill Clinton is responsible for Bush's ignoring of 33 messages warning of the imminent attacks of 9/11. "Those clues arrived sometime between May and July of 2001," explained Bond, "giving us, what -- two, three months to work with? (Clinton) is clearly at fault here."
Despite being reminded by several pesky, non-FOX News reporters he recently went on record saying, "intelligence is supposed to be non-partisan and not second-guessed," Bond remains undeterred.
"Look!" belted Bond, "Clinton's guilt is as non-partisan as it gets. Besides, the National Security Agency was busy keeping an eye on Tommy Chong and Larry Flynt at the time."
From the Swift Report
Read more.
The Pope and I were best friends for years. All right? Decades. Not just casual acquaintances, no. Blood brothers - know what I'm saying here?
So I'm just as devastated as anyone else about this thing. One of my best friends is now a dead guy, okay? Is that okay with you, Tim Robbins? Hmm, George Clooney?
So needless to say, I'm pretty upset. But not just for the simple fact that a buddy of mine kicked the bucket, okay? No, sir - I've got a bigger fish to fry on this one.
Horsing around in my Swiss Alps ski resort.
You see, the last time we played darts in my Tuscan castle, Pope Carl (yes, I call him by his real name) and I were conversing about the about the Schiavo case, and he told me, "Bill, if I ever slip into a coma, or lapse into one of them vegetable-states or somethin', okay? I'd like you to pull my plug, mkay? Nobody else. It's gotta be you, know what I'm sayin'?"
Now LOOK: even though everyone thinks Carl just passed away Saturday night, mkay? I know better: the Church pulled his plug. Got it? No doubt in my mind. In fact, to keep himself alive, Carl was using the iron lung apparatus I invented in the 1970's.
But it doesn't matter, okay? Know what I'm sayin'? It's an outrage. He is gone, 'cause not one guy bothered to ask me what the Pope's true wishes were. I knew what he wanted. I knew. But Italy said, "forget-a that-a O'Reilly-a guy," mkay? "we-a don't-a need-a Bill's-a consent-a."
So you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna boycott Italy. The entire country. That's right. Until they admit Carl wanted me to pull the plug, we can shut them down. The whole, oily boot - kaput.
I've got the pull to make things happen, all right? And if I say boycott Italy, things will happen. That minor little country will crumble faster than Canada did after I wielded my formidable political will against them.
We'll bring that putrid nation to its knees. I'd bet my Peabody on it.
With the passing of the Pope, one is almost obliged to stop what they're doing for a second and pay their respects. ONLY RONALD RAEGAN WAS MORE INFULENTIAL TO WINNED THE COLD WAR THEN THE POPE
House of Representatives Majority Leader Tom Delay is rejoicing in the virtual bonanza of gifts God is giving the Republican Party these days.
"First it was Terri Schiavo, now it's this!" exclaimed the shameless schmuck. "God has brought to us the Pope's death, kind of like a cherry on top, to elevate the visibility of what's going on with death and dying in America," the Texan congressman told a crowd of supporters Saturday night.
Neil's Deals
Dead Pope: Good or Bad for the Market?
by Neil Cavuto
But then one must get back to the reality of the market and his portfolio, and it is then the savvy investor realizes, this dead Pope thing might actually affect the market!
Even though you might feel compelled to react by selling, selling, selling, my advice is don't, don't, don't. Do us all a favor: wait things out a few days, get your composure back, and check back with me.
by Sean Hannity
A VERY GOOD MAN, THE LEDER OF THE CATHLIC CHURCH DID A COUPLE THINGS RIGHT TO ASSIST REAGAN TO DEFEATED THE COMUNIST CHURCHS IN THE WORLD. IN FACT ONE OF THE GRATEST THINGS ABOUT THE POP WAS HIS DEDICATION TO DEFEATING DEPOTISM AND EVIL IN THE WORLD, INCLUDEING COMUNISM AND EVIL NATIONS LIKE THE U.S.R.R. HE WAS ALLOT LIKE ME IF YOU READ MY LATEST BOOK "ALL LIBERELS ARE EVIL BUT I DON'T HATE THEM EVEN THOUGH I PERSONLY CALED THEM EVEL", ITS A VERY BIG BOOK WHICH I HAVE ALMOST HAVE READED ALL THE WAY THOUGH.
BUT NO ONE COMAPRES TO THE GREATTEST MAN OF ALL TIMES AND ERAS, RONALD REGEAN, THE 20TH PRESEDENT, OF THE UNITED STATES.
PERHAPS YOU MAY HAVE HEARED ABOUT OTHER PRESEDENTS AND WORLD LEADERS, LIKE JOHN F KENNEDY, MICHEL GORBACHOV, LECK VALESSA, AND EVEN THE DEAD POPE WHOM DID MORE THEN REAGAN TO ACOMODDATE THE DOWNFALL OF THE COMUNIST 
IDEOLOGOY BUT THAT'S JUST ABUCH OF LIBERAL BALONY. IT'S JUST RIDICULUS AND ITS SIMPLY NOT THE FARTHEST THING FROM THE TRUETH.
Network execs are at a loss for words, but as 
Surreal Life star Flavor Flav points out, when it comes to unimaginative programming, "American audiences eat that shit up."
O'Reilly Bravely Confronts Bill Maher from 3,000 miles away
FOX News superpersonality Bill O'Reilly 
courageously faced down one of Hollywood's most outspoken liberals Friday on Bill Maher's HBO show, Real Time with Bill Maher.
To make his appearance even more fear-inducing, O'Reilly underscored his fortitude by visiting the show from the other side of the country. "Takes a lot of balls to face down a live broadcast of your opponent's face from so far away," gloated the anal fetishist.
Bill wishes he could have been there personally, alongside Whoopi Goldberg, Alec Baldwin, and Cornel West. "Lucky for them I didn't head out west with my six-shooter."