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I was tortured - and loved every minute of it.
Ridge Eliminates Major Threat to Homeland Security: Himself
Major source of instability, right-wing paranoia - soon just a memory
WASHINGTON D.C. - Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge has announced he's retiring next February. The decision was easy, says the former congressman, because it's
Ridge to Duck Out Before Next Strike
"It's inevitable, man, and the gettin's good!"
fairly obvious "something big" will happen in the next four years. Though nothing specific is known, says Ridge, the odds are there. "It only takes one time for them to be right, but just like the lottery - stuff happens. I oughta know - I keep my eye on that jackpot, and play lottery every week!"
As for the change of heart, many political scientists are baffled. Ridge, until now, has been one of the president's most strident supporters. "Unless he's looking for another job," shrugged Dr. David Pew of Falls Church, Virginia, "we can't explain it."
Shemp earned his Electrician's License in 1986 and Associate's Degree in General Education from Sage Junior College of Albany in 1993. His radio show can be heard daily on WNUTS 450 AM Talk Radio.
NEW YORK CITTY, NEW YORK
STATE - I JUST WANT TO SAY
FOR ALL THEM LIBEREL WACKOS
OUT THEIR THAT THIS GUY DONE A GOOD JOB FOR KEEPED THE COUNTY SECURE FOR OVER A DECADE TO.
IN MY OPINION HE WAS THE BEST SECETRERAY OF HOMLAND DEFENSE THIS NATION EVER EVER HAVED IN THE HISTORY OF OUR NATION HOW ELSE CUOLD YOU EXPLAIN NO NUCULER WARS SINCE HE BECAME THE OFFICE OF THE HOMLAND SECURURTY SECRETARTY AND I THINK ITS RIDICULUS THAT HOLYWOOD ELITEISTS ARE SAYEING ALL THE STUFF ABOUT HIM TORTUIRING PRISENERS IN GWANTONIMO BAY BECASE THE SECURIRTY OF THE NATION DEPENED ON IT MUCHL
I DOUT ANEONE COULD REPLACE TOM RIGE BUT IF WE ALL PREY GOD MAYBE WE COULD FIND ANOTHER MAN WHO LOSED A ELECTOIN TO A DEAD MAN.
In an unrelated story, Secretary Ridge has been identified by Tight-Ass Weekly Magazine as "the perfect replacement for William Rehnquist."
